“Come in little one”
“You said you were going to tell me a story Miz Bella.”
“So I did little one so I did. What do you want a story about?”
“How about the sneaky goblin who was almost the death of redwall?”
It was Redwall Abbey and we were at war with the kingdom of Clonmel. Now you must know that Clonmel is inhabited by Orcs ... Anyway two dwarves called Togget and Folgrim were out hunting deer when they noticed a fire blazing on the horizon so they went to investigate. When they arrived they saw three Orcs roasting a boar on a spit and right behind a goblin wearing a mottled brown and green cloak with the cowl pulled up round his face. He was also tied up. So they made a plan and Folgrim went to free him while Togget got their attention.
“Hey you lard bellied scuts! Gimme some of that meat!” Togget shouted.
An Orc, close to six feet tall and obviously their leader, laughed, “What are you going to do with that toothpick you call an axe?”
“Oh you’d be surprised,” he replied and yelled the long time-honored warcry, “Euliaaaa ... give em blood and vinegar!!!”
The call went up on the other side of the Orcs and the Orcs turned but not fast enough. Togget and Folgrim were upon them, their heavy axes rising and falling, cutting through the Orcs like a knife through butter. Once the orcs were well and truly dead they untied the goblin.
“You're safe with us friend” Togget says. “What happened?”
“My name’s Billy” the goblin says. “I'm a traveller looking for the famed Redwall Abbey. I was going there until these Orcs captured me. They were going to take me as a slave, at least until you two waded in and took care of them!”
“We’re from Redwall. You can come with us” the dwarves said.
As soon as they arrived back at Redwall greetings were shouted out like “What did you bring home today?”
“Only a goblin and two Orc swords and one axe!” Togget yells cheerfully. They pass through the doors and the wonderful scent of hot meat pies floods their nostrils. This immediately sets the goblin into a frenzy. Sprinting two the main hall he falls upon the food like a starved wolf.
Later that night the goblin tiptoed into the kitchen, got a bottle off his poison belt and put a couple of drips into all of the water and food he went back to bed. Everybody sleeps on.
Early in the morning the cooks taste their cooking. Soon the head cook feels faint and drops down dead. The other cooks immediately raise the alarm, and within minutes the incredibly muscular sheriff, Jaycee, bounds in closely followed by his second in command William. William checks his pulse.
“He’s dead alright” he says, his face grim.
When they go outside there’s a massive crowd and with them the king John and his daughter, the princess May. The king barks out a order “Jaycee! William! Lead a team! Capture whoever did this”
“I’ll check who isn’t here!” yells William and puts his speed to good use. He soon comes back.
“It’s that goblin Togget and Folgrim brought with them. I’ll bet my last penny he’s with the Orcs.”
“Ok,” the king says, “Catch him.”
They start on the trail. When they get to the guard house they find two dead guards.
As they race out the gate into Mossflower woods and blunder through the undergrowth they hear screams.
“Go!” William shouts. They race over and find the goblin half submerged in a sinking swamp. Jaycee grabs him and yanks him out. They travel back to Redwall and on their return cheers ring out.
One Week Later
At the prize ceremony the King presents the prizes ...
“Jaycee come forward,” the king says, “Kneel.” He taps his sword on his shoulder. “I make you a knight. Arise Jaycee, Lord of Mossflower and Redwall.”
Jaycees face lit up with unmistakable joy.
“William come forward”
“Kneel”
“I pronounce you Warrior of Redwall.”
“Now a good knight needs a good wife. May do you accept him as your husband?”
“I do.”
“Come up goblin now. Throw him down the pit. Let the Pit Adders have him.”
Everyone live happily ever after.
The End
